Okay not a writer... but a poet!

If we were all created equal,
Then wouldn't you have stayed?
Held me close and not closed your eyes,
or wished me more beautiful today.

You know that I can't go forever this way.
Let you run and hide, or turn your back.
It won't change with another day.
Just swing your bat and hear the crack.

All my love and hopes on the floor.
You know that night I saw your face.
As you slammed my heart in the door.
Left me there as I trace,

All the memories that brought me here,
You shouldn't have left me alone my dear.
Because if you were ever true at all,
Then you wouldn't have wanted me ten shades more beautiful.

So I push myself out of sight.
Cut my skin with one great swipe.
Counted the layers, too weak to fall.
Found the tenth, so you will see me beautiful.

Don't want to sound like a bitch.........

Honestly I am not a true blogger at heart. But I do like to vent once in a while. I do not know if anyone is going to care about what I am going to say, but feel free to reply or bitch back at me! First a little about me:

• My name for on here will be Lula.
• I am 21.
• I have been married for 3 years.
• I have a son who just turned 2.
• I am about 500 miles away from all the people I truly care about and it hurts.
• I do enjoy writing poetry.
• My mom died when I was 14.
• I have a father who is extremely distant and disapproving.

So I grew up in a small town in Indiana. Nothing too out of the normal when I was really young. I had a mom and dad. Four sisters and one brother. We went to a good school. I got good grades. Tried to over achieve for attention, but it didn't work. As I stated my mother passed when I was 14. My whole world shattered. Every fucked up thing that had ever happened to me presented itself when my mom passed. I went off the deep end for sure. I started smoking pot, popping pills, drinking, having sex, and just not caring. I had no sensors for any of the things I was doing. I blocked most of it out, or I was just to gone to remember. I was hurt. I hated God and couldn't believe that he had taken my sanity away from me. My father was no longer around. He was more concerned with the way he felt about loosing my mom, then his children. He would stop by every week or so while I was sleeping and would leave money on the table, or put food in the frig. I went through this hell for about 2 years. I then decided that I was killing myself and not living. I stopped doing drugs, no more sex, and focused on school. I brought home straight A's, my father looked at my grades pointed at the 98% and said I could have done better. I was determined I could do better. I was going to do so damn good that my father would have no choice but to be proud of me... I DIDN'T. I fell in love. I got married and moved out 2 months after I graduated from high school in 2006. I was pregnant a month later and my plans for college quickly went away. I gave birth to my son in May of 2007. I had found my peace. My love... my hole inside me had been filled. This big eyed beautiful boy was my salvation. I have since then relied on him for my love, laughter, and happiness. I believe it would be unfair to him, to completely rely on him for much longer. I NEED something though. SOMEONE.... I want TRUE love... the stupid movie shit. I love my husband, but he hurts me so often. I feel as if I have been stabbed in my heart numerous times and have all of the tips of the knives forever in there. I am sure I am not the worst off person in the world. I UNDERSTAND that I am blessed because I have a son, I have a husband, I have a true life to live, I was born in America, I am not starving. I have went without but it is nothing in comparison to other people. I UNDERSTAND this. But am I suppose to just be satisfied and accept what I have, not want to better it. NOT hurt so BAD? Everyone wants to be happy, I just feel as if I NEED to be happy, or I won't be able to live.

Sincerely,

Lula